Finding Healing After My Hometown

The first night my best friend and I were in Oregon was euphoric. My parents came along to help with the move, so I gave them my mattress to sleep on and my best friend and I decided to share hers. We slept in the living room by the windows and talked about all the new and exciting things we could do now that we weren’t in our hometown. Sounds peachy, doesn’t it?

The truth about leaving home is you soon become a ghost to everyone still living there. Sure, I kept in contact with a few close friends, but even those friendships started dying after a while. After only a few weeks of living in Oregon, the reality of my old life officially being gone became almost unbearable. I kept thinking about everything that happened back home and how I wasn’t sure if I ever even got closure on anything. Sure, Oregon was gorgeous and the waterfalls were unmatched, but there was something deep inside of me that longed for the quiet that my hometown had.

Why was I feeling this way? All my hometown ever brought me was a whole lot of painful memories. My childhood friendships were no more, my exes left me with trust issues, and for the longest time, all I could think, dream, and breathe about was leaving Fremont Country. So why did I have this feeling that there was unfinished business? They say leaving is so hard until you actually do it, then it’s the easiest thing you’ll ever do. But the truth is, it’s only easy if you’re willing to let go.

Let go of any anger, sadness, or unresolved feelings you may have. Let go of the future you thought you were going to have. Let go of expectations.

The only way I was going to put my hometown behind me was to face the truth about it. Despite wanting so desperately to leave it, my hometown still had a soft spot in my heart. I still remember the first time I found “the spot” that became a safety net for my friends and I. My coworker and I had about an hour to kill on our break, but the only thing to do in my hometown is either drive around or go to Walmart. We didn’t want to be on our feet anymore, so we decided to drive around. That’s when I found an almost abandoned road that led to gorgeous, fire-red rocks. After I found “the spot” I told my friend group about it. From that point forward, we would drive to “the spot” whenever life was becoming too much, cranked the music up, and stuck our heads out the window to watch the stars.

Unlike my hometown, Portland didn’t have quiet, almost abandoned areas to explore. The only way to escape the city noise was to drive far away. Granted, my best friend and I weren’t in the heart of the city, but we were still close enough to things that it sure felt like we were. Going from a small town to a city gave me culture shock. Even though I was acknowledging the toxic behaviors in my hometown, I still missed the good parts, and a part of me was still holding on to those good parts.

In order to heal from my past, I knew I needed to stop labeling my hometown as either good or bad, and come to terms with the fact that nothing is ever going to be perfect, but there can be perfect moments found anywhere. My best friend and I decided to drive to the coast for the first time and that’s when I finally breathed it all in. We weren’t in Fremont County anymore and I wouldn’t allow for the past to haunt my memories anymore. Sure, I could look back on a good memory or two and be grateful to the place that helped me grow up, but I would no longer think “What if?"

I promise you, things happen exactly as they are supposed to. Whether you believe in God, the universe, fate, or whatever, things tend to work themselves out. If you’re heartbroken over an ex, miss an old friendship, or get stuck living in the past, then take a second, look at where you are in life, and remind yourself, sometimes shit happens, but it’s always for a reason. I’m not fully healed yet, but I finally started finding healing after my hometown.