A New Beginning

Once my boyfriend and I realized that it was just going to be the two of us on our travels, we got to researching. At first, we wanted to start in Thailand, but we read a Reddit post that said we needed a Visa. At the very last minute, we decided to start in Malaysia and then work on getting our Visas for Thailand. Once we arrived in Malaysia, we realized that the Reddit post wasn't accurate with their information. We didn't mind though because Malaysia exceeded our expectations.

Even though we were extremely excited to be in Southeast Asia, our AirBnB was way smaller than we were expecting. (There was quite literally only a bed and a bathroom) We originally planned on staying in Malaysia for three months, and splitting the time between two AirBnBs. However, once we realized that we were probably going to kill each other in that small of a space, we changed our dates and planned to stay for half the time.

Now, we had no idea what we were getting into by choosing a random country to explore before Thailand, but like I said, Malaysia exceeded my expectations. The people were nice, they had signs in English, the malls were massive, and accommodations were cheap. The only problem that occurred was my boyfriend and I started getting into more arguments.

You know the saying, "Travelling can either make or break a couple?" Well, it's true. My boyfriend and I were spending every second together and we couldn't help but notice all the different ways we were incompatible. The cherry on top was the only country in Southeast Asia that has weed legalized is Thailand, so we were forced into sobriety. I know now that relying on weed to relieve my anxiety only increased my anxiety, but I truly thought weed was helping me in Oregon. I'm not entirely proud to admit that my boyfriend and I were high for our entire relationship, but we were. Finally being sober after two years and being in close courters, we were having a hard time adjusting.

We debated breaking up in Malaysia, but ultimately decided to keep working on our relationship and go to Thailand together. And yes, we did get high a lot when we were in Thailand. After about a month, we were still having problems. We finally decided that it was time to go separate ways. He was planning on staying in Southeast Asia, and I was planning on going to Europe. However, we still wanted to enjoy the time we had left together in Thailand, so we agreed to remain in a relationship until the time in Thailand was over. Of course, that only made things harder on us.

On our very last night together, we had a million emotions coursing through our bodies. We were reminiscing about the last two years we spent together, and both cried while holding each other. In a last Hail Mary moment, we agreed we weren't ready to say goodbye and he decided to come to Europe with me. While in Sweden, we did everything and anything to figure out how to stay together, but ultimately, we realized we were too fundamentally different. The hardest part about the whole things is that we really were best friends and cared for each other, but we just weren't as compatible as you should be with a forever person.

So now, I'm all alone in Sweden, trying to figure out my next move. In only a matter of months, I lost my best friend and boyfriend. When I decided to write my blog about my journey, my first post was about the same thing... just lost my best friend and my boyfriend. Except this time, I understand why it all had to happen. I even understand why I had to lose all the friendships and boyfriends I ever had.

To be honest, even though I've always been a Christian, I have also let worldly things get inside my mind. Such as smoking the Mary Jane, only dating non-Christian boys, and surrounding myself with not the best energy all the time. Now that I'm alone with my thoughts, I realize that it's okay not to have the world love me; it's okay that past relationships and friendships ended; it's okay that I've made mistakes and stumbled; it's okay that I don't have a single clue what I'm doing; and it's okay to be alone.

I'm still trying to figure out what it all means, but I know that God's going to show me the path I need to go down. So far, I've made arrangements for a Workaway experience in Sweden, but that's as far as I've gotten. I have no idea what's in store for me, but I know that I'm going to be just fine. God gave me the gift of a fresh perspective and a new beginning.